December 2010
Monthly Archive
December 30, 2010
On My Birthday Eve, I was heaving my innards out for the first time since getting married. I guess my leftovers for lunch were older than I thought. We went over to visit friends, and my stomach was just aching. A little before we left in a hurry (this is an example of foreshadowing!), our lovely host (who had just the most adorable beaglish puppy) offered us daiquiris. Translation: delicious fruit slush with sprite. Because we were driving. And . . . I don’t know. I requested just the soda, for my stomach, and sipped it for a bit. Then I requested directions to the bathroom, went, peed, and promptly had to turn around and vomit into my own pee water at my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s parents’ house. Just let that sink in there for a minute. It splashed on my face. The only way for me to get away from the supreme horror of this memory is to inflict it on others. Hi Uncle! Hi Aunt! Love you! After vomiting up everything I’d consumed in the previous say, six hours, and damn if part of my brain didn’t keep track and tick off each meal, there’s the chicken strips, yup, cranberry juice, aaaand there’s the rice casserole from lunch, I stared at my red face in the mirror and kept saying, “okay, okay, okay, okay.” Then I went back to the living room and explained we needed to go home forthwith.
“Uh, why, honey?”
“Because I just vomited profusely in the bathroom.”
Frozen smiles on all faces.
“Ohhhhh. . . .okayyyy.”
Went home, tossed cookies once more, and then slept horribly all night having bizarre dreams that bad things would happen if I changed my sleeping pose. The next day, at work, maybe two people asked if the vomiting indicated pregnancy, so i spent the rest of yesterday, my birthday, paranoid that it was evening sickness and double-checking each sensation of my innards to see if I was symptomatic again. Also, I yakked so hard I asploded a capillary in my eye.
But I didn’t lose it again last night, so yay! Not pregnant! Happy Birthday to me!
December 28, 2010
Today is the in between day, as it has been for my entire remembrance. It is the day in between my little sister’s birthday and mine. In past years, the week between Christmas and New Year’s was exhausting. We’d have Christmas, a day of rest (which, post-divorce, was often spent traveling to be with dad), LS’s birthday, the in-between day, MY BIRTHDAY!!!, two days’ rest, then New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, quite obviously back to back. New Year’s Day is the day of extended family Christmas, therefore one must be functioning before 10 am that morning.
The in-between days were not fun, for me. I knew they were necessary breathers in an explosion of celebrations, but as a kid, celebrations every day seems like a pretty good idea. And while I’m on the subject of birthdays, did I tell you all about my little sister’s belief that, since her birthday came first, she was older? Yes, she was quite young at the time, but anyone who knows my temper and need for attention and rightness knows exactly how much that would annoy me. And how much I would flip out, demanding the truth be known! Spread it through all the towns, to all the people of the nations, I’m totally the older sister and she’s being a jerk.
December 27, 2010
I went back to work today, after the holiday weekend. I did not like it. I like my work, I like my coworkers, I like having a schedule for my days. However, I got there and within an hour was seized by the vague feeling that, since last week, I had forgotten something important, or had made a large mistake. This phantom feeling refused to solidify into anything clearer than a general sensation of oh crap! And that is annoying. Also, the big boss is out of town and off the continent, so running things without him is rather tricky. There are many a flying email, and if it turns out he’s not been enjoying his lovely family vacation, there will be a reckoning.
December 24, 2010
I found out today that my husband’s brother in-law is going to be playing a club New Year’s Eve here in Portland. It’s kind of a big deal, because his other shows were open mic nights and then subsequent battles of the bands, which he and his band totally owned. Anyway, they’re playing at six pm and while that’s not prime time, it’s still a nice start to the evening and it’s very, very exciting.
December 22, 2010
- not notice a task assigned to me on the communal calendar
- have an attack of silliness
- have a nap attack
- play catch with my office mate wherein I behave like a cat and bat the ball out of the air, causing her to have hysterics
- listen to my office mate while I drink water, aspirating a small amount when attempting to laugh
- play catch with my office mate while she is seated, causing her to flap her hand helplessly when the ball goes awry and rolls beyond her reach
- crumple into a ball of giggles when she flaps her hand helplessly at the ball
- sing along to Lady Gaga
- sing along to Janet Jackson
- practice the hip hop I learned in that one class at my gym that one time to the Janet Jackson song
- practice the hip hop I learned in that one class at my gym in the bathroom just because it has a large mirror
- practice the hip hop I learned in that one class at my gym where I could see myself in my skirt, tights, cardigan and heels
- practice the hip hop I learned
December 21, 2010
I made my first roux yesterday! It was for a sauce to go with the steak I cooked, and I did it all on my own, with nary a recipe. I had one in my head, but it was rather cloudy and not too informative beyond having some sort of fat in a hot pan, cooking a bit of flour in that, then bulking it out with a liquid and seasoning with spices. But you guys, I did it and it worked and it’s delicious! Well, it was delicious for dinner last night and lunch today.
December 20, 2010
I figure a million other people used that title when writing about Inception, but I don’t care.
I’m just a little afraid to go to sleep tonight.
December 16, 2010
Sigh. I am becoming a hypochondriac in my old age. I never used to worry about illnesses, even when I lived as an indigent child in my mother’s house and had no health insurance if I got sick, anyway. However there was a bit of a turning point or at least a turning year. I began to check all my symptoms against the illnesses I knew, and diagnosing myself with dreadful ailments. For example, two nights before my wedding, we had our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. I was home alone, as my mom had been married for two months and was at her new husband’s place that night. My little sister was staying with my cousin, one of my bridesmaids. My older sister was gone as well. I had delicious barbecue ribs as my meat for the dinner, and also was dealing with some inner discomfort from my IUD and also my period. Yay. I went to bed, trying to get enough sleep. I woke up about two hours later, in oodles of discomfort. My stomach ached, and my belly ached. There’s a difference, I promise. I was tired and confused and attributed both pains to food poisoning, and lay there imagining the agonies the next hours promised to hold. Time passed, and while I was still very uncomfortable, I had not jettisoned my dinner. I decided to do something for the obvious food poisoning I had, so I ate some pickled ginger root and went back to bed. Alone in the house, two nights before my wedding day. I still had a full abdominal ache going on, so I decided that since I didn’t have food poisoning I had to have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, and my uterus was going to launch itself out. Also I would become sterile. And then, when pressing on my low belly didn’t shoot my uterus out my bellybutton, I decided I clearly didn’t have PID, I had appendicitis and would have to have emergency surgery the day
before my wedding, or it would rupture and asplode and murder me from the inside out.
I finally took some tylenol and slept it all off, and was fine the next day. I forgot that pork ribs never liked me as much I liked them.
It happened again today. After lunch, I was exhausted. I even laid my head down and closed my eyes while a large document scanned through, and almost fell asleep. I blearily dragged a packet of eggnogflavoredtea out of my purse and yawned my way to the kitchen to get some caffeine in my system. It was there, staring at the hot water switch of the coffee machine, that i realized the obvious truth. Like
Katie’s husband before me, I had diabetes. I mean, the evidence is all there! I JUST ate and got super tired, so that has to be my blood sugar crashing when insulin gets over-produced, which is totally what happens because I swear I paid attention in pathologies class.
Then I remembered I had got to bed an hour and a half later than I usually do.
December 14, 2010
We have been checking out gyms. Well, we tried the two closest to us, and settled on 24 hour fitness for two reasons.
1) There were no men with back muscles so big their arms wouldn’t hang straight,
2) it’s easy to be anonymous.
They had a hip hop class scheduled for earlier tonight and I showed up for it. It was fast-paced, and whenever I watched myself in the mirror I saw the co-captain of the cheerleading squad. Wow for me. As one of the other girls said, I have never felt like such a white girl.
December 14, 2010
Sometimes I worry about the secrets I share here. It’s not because they’re so very scandalous, so don’t fret on that count. No, I worry because they’re things I’ve not shared so publicly before, so I worry that I’ll look back and be very unhappy that I said those things aloud. Also, I worry that, in the sharing of all my random tidbits of self, I will run out of interesting personality facets and be stuck with the boring ones in real life, like my predilection for poached eggs and milk-toast. CARP there goes another one! I AM NOT GOOD AT THIS GAME.
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