I slept horribly last night. probably has to do with praying for my daughter to have no crazy horrible dreams and for her to sleep well. Whatever was messing with her sleep came to visit me instead.  Or maybe not.  But I don’t normally have any sleep issues so the rarity of poor sleep combined with the conversation yesterday and subsequent protectiveness all seems to make sense.

In other news, remember how  I have more or less decided to be done with massage?  Well, today I went in to work, for one of my two actual workdays.  I know, my patheticism upsets me, too.  After at least two weeks of maybe three hour long massages total, I had two on the books when I got in this morning.  I was surprised, but happy.  I went and made sure the room was ready for client #1, due in at 10:15am.  That hour went by well, I knew I had done a good job, been connected to the client and focused on her, etc.  Then came a small break while the new aesthetician did an eyebrow wax and I waited for client #2 to show.  She did, and mentioned that she wanted and hour and a half, today.  Okay then.  Had a grand old time working on her, too (she can take a lot of pain), and by the end of the massage she was lightly snoring.  THEN, I went back out front to see what was up and realized that the energy work gal from last week had booked out my next hour-ish.  Okay.  I like this lady very much and I get along with her famously, and the religious discrepancies don’t create issues for me.  They just give me things to think about, you know?  So for her, I spend a while doing energy work, and this time I prayed before the session because last time there was a creepy vibe in the room after she had left.  I felt much better and more authentic, and ended up having some interesting things happen for her during the session.  After the hour of energy work, she wanted another half hour of actual massage.  After all that, I was tired but happy and starting to re-think my earlier decision.  I was also feeling bad about walking away from people that care about me and a situation where I don’t have a replacement.  I have not had any sort of discussion with my manager about this, I’ve just told you and Nick.  I have not looked for another job, either, so I do not have any immediate plans to jump ship.  I even have thought about sticking around for a while longer, or maybe finding a friend from school who lives in the area and wants to be on call for the salon.  I feel bad about possibly disappearing out of the lives of clients.  I feel bad about not wanting to do massage for years.  I feel bad in my arms because my tendons feel funny and my wrists hurt sometimes in an ominous way, and I cannot maintain certain grips or pressure because of the pain in the different muscles being used.  That makes me nervous.

Nick went on a walk with me, after I got home early from work.  It felt good to exercise, even just a little bit.  The original plan was napping after work.  I think we chose the better.

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