July 2010


The other morning we were lying in bed dozing, at least I was dozing, at around 6am. We wake up for realsies around 7, for the record. The garbage truck was in the parking lot below us preparing to pick up the trash compactor and the recycling, and it was beeping as it backed into place. I identified the noise and tried to ignore it, la la la I’m sleeping and can’t hear you, truck! Nick leaped out of bed and toddled into the living room, then the kitchen, then the bathroom. I said, “honey, what are you doing?” He replied,”I’m trying to find the noise! Is it the alarm?” I reassured him that the alarm clock was still next to me, that it wasn’t going off, that he still had a good 40 minutes of sleep, and that the beeping was the garbage truck. Confused and sleepy, he eventually returned to bed. It was awesome.

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Remember those wristers I made a while ago?  The ones that made me go a little insane?  Ah, I have found a purpose for them!  This weekend there will be a birthday party for a friend of mine, and even though it is August I am going to give them to her!  To make them a little more special, I borrowed an idea from Katie and crocheted little flowers to stitch onto the wristers.  I even rummaged through all my old crafty stuff and found some beads which I hand-sewed onto the centers of the flowers to make them sparkly and special!  I took about ten minutes solid setting the flowers in different spots on the wristers trying to decide how to decorate them, and finally decided on this:

I think it’s quite fetching.  The flowers were rather fun to make, and I liked putting the beads in the middle because I like sparkly things.

note: I am not referencing certain vampires with the sparkly thing.

flowers

I tried to use beads that would pull colors from the yarn, so I went with blue and green.  pat me on the head and tell me I made something pretty.  I’m contemplating making a few more flowers and sewing them onto a ribbon or something to make a pretty headband.  DOES ANYONE WANT SOME CROCHETED FLOWERS I WILL MAKE YOU PRETTY FLOWERS?!

We love popcorn.  Have I mentioned this before?  I mean, we really love popcorn.  We buy white popping corn in bulk from Winco because we love it so much and eat it in such large amounts.  Last night, we had a conversation that looked like this:

Nick: Popcorn!

Me: Popcorn?

Nick: Popcorn.

Me: Popcorn. . . hmmm.  Popcorn.

Nick: POOOOPPPPPCOOOOORRRRNNNN

And then I went off to the kitchen to make some . . . you know, popcorn.  When I make such a lovely snack, I don’t fill just a bowl, oh no.  That is short-sighted, thinking small, staying inside the box.  I get a brown paper bag and fill it at least halfway.  Nick and I can eat that entire amount in about 4 days, tops.  It gets eaten by the random handful as we walk past the table on various trips across the apartment,  we cuddle it between us like a pet or child while watching a movie, and it sometimes counts as breakfast – salty, crunchy breakfast.

Bair Mahogany was visiting during the Great Popcorn Eloquence, and he watched my preparatory process with interest.  He’d taken some culinary classes in the past.  I talked him through my actions as I made popcorn, old school.

Heat 1/8″ canola or vegetable oil in a thin-sided 3 quart saucepan with lid until it looks like there are little streamers in the oil, then pour in just enough popcorn kernels to cover the bottom of the pan one layer thick.  Put on lid, shake occasionally, wait until shaking the pan elicits no rattling, kernelly noises, then empty pan into bowl or bag depending on your level of badassery.  Sprinkle liberally with salt, put more oil in the pan, and do over until you have enough deliciousness for three days.  Or a movie.  Your call, really.

Bair Mahogany was so moved by my performance and madd skillz that he requested some popcorn to take home to his lovely wife.  I think he became my popcorn-apprentice.  Now all I need is some floss to get the husks out of my teeth. . .  ouch.

Last night Nick got home from work, changed, kissed me, gulped down some water, and began his nightly relax/zone-out ritual.  Then, he stopped, came over to me, and stood above me flipping my hair back and forth, lifting it up to the light and squinting.  Finally he reached a conclusion, ” Oh, you did color your hair!”  It was a beautiful moment.

NEWSFLASH– doing 30 pushups 3 days in a row will result in sore inner elbows and a sore ribs-to-hips region.

Ummm . . . I swear I thought about meaningful or at least, amusing things to say all day, but now I can’t think of what they were.  OH!  On Saturday we went to a 70’s theme birthday party, so I bought a cheap romper at Target because I am nothing if not committed to themes for parties!  Now, I find rompers to be rather questionable as far as legitimate clothing goes,  seeing as how they’re pretty much onesies for adults and also when you go to the bathroom you have to take off your entire outfit and the part closest to your FACE and MOUTH might touch the floor of a public bathroom and that’s how people get scurvy.  And gonorrhea.  Also, just to go pee, you have to get almost completely nekkid, and that’s weird.  However, for the sake of a themed party, I got over my reservations and bought one such article of clothing and wow, cats and kittens, it is comfortable!  Like, oldest fuzzy pajamas comfortable.  Light, airy, doesn’t require a lot of thought, your buttcrack will never fall out, just so comfy.  So now I have to split my opinion, because I have one and it is so comfortable I thought about wearing it the next day during non-70’s themed time, but also they’re still ridiculous and look sort of funny.  Now here’s my idea – I want to find a cheapie pattern at Joann’s and then make myself some more rompers, killing two groovy birds with one far out stone.  I’d have more obscenely comfortable clothes, and I’d do something creative and mostly useful.  What do you think?

No, really, I did.  I had made enough in tips today that I could pay the product charge for doing my hair and still have some left over, which is my prerequisite for getting my hair done.  I am now off to . . . .right here to take a picture of it.  Because you all care so very super- deeply about my new hair color, and what I made for dinner, and how much exercise I do in a day.  Seriously, you all should get some help.  That level of obsession isn’t healthy.

Wow, the first picture showed none of the color and all of my chins!  I don’t even have superfluous chins, and it showed them.  So, if the camera adds ten pounds, can it add them totally to your neck?  Right, next picture looks decent!  Okay people, my hair is different and here’s proof.

new hairsNo, it’s not because my face is obscured, this honestly is the best image of what I had done to my hair!  Okay I’m bored of saying,”my hair”.  I’m going to go read till Nick gets home.  In four hours. .  .crap.

I upped the ante with my workout this morning.  I jogged two laps consecutive!  It was a very big deal to me, cos previously I had only been able to handle one and a half laps before collapsing and wheezing as my lungs thought about exploding; today I made it through two!  And then my lungs thought about exploding.  As I jog I have to distract myself from the distance I have yet to go otherwise I’d get overwhelmed and just stop altogether, so I count my steps to pace my breathing, 3 in – 3 out, I ask myself silly questions, “why is that branch in the middle of the field,” “What will we do on our camping trip in September,” “If I pass out and lie down will the crows come eat me,” and I stare at the ground directly in front of my feet.

I don’t like running, cats and kittens.  I realllly don’t.  I understand it’s good for me, I further understand that it is the simplest and most accessible form of cardiopulmonary conditioning and exercise I have available to me.  I still don’t like it.

Running hurts, and not in a nice way.  After those two laps, my breath was whistling and wheezing through my nose and throat, and the air felt as if it were drying out and scraping my nasal passages.  Also, I started to smell odd things, like my own blood or tuna fish.  There is no tuna fish.  I am not bleeding.  I thought about having a stroke, because the funky smells thing is supposed to be a symptom, but alas, I was not dying, just exercising.

Another thing is that when I run I look like a total doofus.  You’d think that running wouldn’t be a skill one needs to be taught, and you’d be right.  When one is fleeing a bear, one runs perfectly well.  Instinct and terror take over and move the body as efficiently and expediently as possible.  HOWEVER, when one is running at a slower pace for the purpose of exercise, etc, those lovely forces of nature aren’t in action to make one graceful and awesome.  Non-emergency running is actually a skill that should be taught, mostly because of those others in the world who are like me.  I have arms that don’t always work at the same time as my legs, or they stiffen up, or I hold my hands at an odd angle, and my legs either shuffle or parade march without actually taking note of the terrain.  So I’ll be jogging up the slight incline of the CHILDREN’S ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TRACK and I’ll stumble, right after calming down my knees that were making passes at my shoulders.  I do not like an audience, because knowing I am being watched makes my limbs act out like attention-starved teenage boys.  The flailing and jumping is not something I’d like people to know about me.  I keep doing it, because a week or two ago when I started jogging I could only do one lap and then the wheezes and dry nose-regions happened, and today I could do two.

Cats and Kittens, I have a story to tell.  It is one I have been holding in because I don’t want to humiliate Nikolai, but I think if I tell it right it’ll be fine.

A few days ago, I realized I will cook meat for dinner if there is any thawed out.  Logic at its purest is in action right here, folks.  That next day before work I told Nick if he pulled some meat out of the freezer I’d cook it for dinner.  However, that evening I was very tired and didn’t want to cook, so Nick started being creative.  It was so cute, you guys.  He gets really secretive and won’t let me in the kitchen to look at stuff and then he presents his concoction all proud of himself!  It was great.

Okay, the thing is that when he gets creative he gets creative with spice mixes.  Like, he mixes spices that don’t necessarily go together. . . ever.  For example, the meat he pulled out was boneless skinless chicken breast.  Yummy, lean, reasonably easy to spice and cook, right?  Well, he wanted to bread it and fry it.  Simple enough, I keep some stale rolls in the freezer that are perfect for crumbing and using for just that purpose.  I gave him some basic pointers (more for my peace of mind and less for his education), and retreated to the living room.  It smelled good, he made cheese sauce for the broccoli he steamed, he plated it all nicely,  it had crispy spots and the meat was awesomely juicy without being raw and creepy.  He kept looking at me and waiting for me to figure out what he had done, with the most mischievous look ever on his face.  Finally he asked if I figured it out, and I really did try but he had to tell me.  Cats, Kittens, all friends and readers, he put cinnamon and chili powder on the chicken.  CINNAMON AND CHILI POWDER.  Cinnamon and chili powder. Cinnamon and chili powder. On chicken.  ( Hi honey!  I liked it, I swear!  Please don’t leave me.)  I really am/was proud of him trying new things.  I was so torn about telling him the flavor combo just didn’t work because I didn’t want him to stop trying new things and being inventive, but man that flavor combination really didn’t work.  It was still edible because he seasoned it with a light hand, but not something to replicate.  But he tried so hard!  He wanted to make something good and new and exciting!  I feel like I’m bitch-slapping a baby animal if I tell him too harshly, or even say anything negative at all.

Okay so here’s the point, besides my husband’s culinary adventures:  I have a decent palate, but I don’t know that I can teach it.  It’s more of a smell this-smell that- does it smell good together- thing.  Do you people have any favorite spice combinations for any meat or veggie or other dish?  Please to share.  I’d like to gather idea to give him and me a good boost on this.

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