I think I take it back.  I don’t really want a new job that is a five minute drive away.  I don’t really want a full time job that pays well and will make a crazy difference in how Nikolai and I live our lives.  I don’t really want to get to work by 8am and behave myself and learn new things and make mistakes and disappoint people and wear grown up clothes instead of jeans or corduroy.


No, it’s not just that I’m scared of something new and changes and stuff.  I would never let fear rule me like that!  Don’t talk to any of my high school teachers, though.  They might try to tell you something just ridiculous about how I’m a perfectionist and can get totally frozen my panic that I won’t do a project just right.  They might even say that I prefer getting a bad grade because I didn’t do an assignment rather than do the assignment and not do it well.  But they’re high school teachers, and teenagers have melted their brains.  Their word can’t be trusted.