I always know when my period is coming because I get really insecure and sad.  I miss Nick like crazy, even though a work day isn’t usually impetus for missing.  When I do see him again, I get all teary-eyed.  I have been known to have a small whimpery kickfit if he’s not holding me close or tight enough, and I get grumpy for no apparent reason.
Two or three days ago I had a very vivid dream wherein three different people told me I was pregnant.  I woke up pretty quick after that, so the memory of people close to me telling me that was pretty much in the front of my mind.  Right now in our lives, children are not in the picture either really or mentally.  Therefore the whole “you’re pregnant” thing freaked me out.  I’ve told friends, tried to calm down, and reminded myself that the symptoms I was feeling were completely standard for my PMSing self.  However, I cannot shake the niggling doubt that my IUD, while having a 99.9% confidence rating, is going to magically fail me after 9 previous months of totally working without a single problem. My coworker telling me about her sibling who was conceived whilst the mother had an IUD did not help.  The fact that this went down in like. . . the sixties or something didn’t calm my fears at all.
I keep running through symptomology in my mind – sensitive tatas could be PMS (like every other damn month) or could be my mammaries getting all into working order.  Going back for seconds even though I know I shouldn’t could be poor self-control (because I’ve totally let that go since we got married and cannot control myself worth beans or for beans because beans are delicious) or it could be my body forcing me to provide to two.  The extra body fat I’ve started accumulating could be my utter lack of exercise (and the molasses cookies I baked, and the delicious irish cream-based drinks, and my affinity for starchy carbs) or could TOTALLY BE BABY WEIGHT OMG.
In short, I have never been more ecstatic to be spotting, nor have I waited for cramps, fatigue, a dreadful mood, and raging insecurity with such breathless anticipation.
Advertisements