Sigh.  I am becoming a hypochondriac in my old age.  I never used to worry about illnesses, even when I lived as an indigent child in my mother’s house and had no health insurance if I got sick, anyway.  However there was a bit of a turning point or at least a turning year.  I began to check all my symptoms against the illnesses I knew, and diagnosing myself with dreadful ailments.  For example, two nights before my wedding, we had our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  I was home alone, as my mom had been married for two months and was at her new husband’s place that night.  My little sister was staying with my cousin, one of my bridesmaids.  My older sister was gone as well.  I had delicious barbecue ribs as my meat for the dinner, and also was dealing with some inner discomfort from my IUD and also my period.  Yay.  I went to bed, trying to get enough sleep.  I woke up about two hours later, in oodles of discomfort.  My stomach ached, and my belly ached.  There’s a difference, I promise.  I was tired and confused and attributed both pains to food poisoning, and lay there imagining the agonies the next hours promised to hold.  Time passed, and while I was still very uncomfortable, I had not jettisoned my dinner.  I decided to do something for the obvious food poisoning I had, so I ate some pickled ginger root and went back to bed.  Alone in the house, two nights before my wedding day.  I still had a full abdominal ache going on, so I decided that since I didn’t have food poisoning I had to have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, and my uterus was going to launch itself out.  Also I would become sterile.  And then, when pressing on my low belly didn’t shoot my uterus out my bellybutton, I decided I clearly didn’t have PID, I had appendicitis and would have to have emergency surgery the day
before my wedding, or it would rupture and asplode and murder me from the inside out.
I finally took some tylenol and slept it all off, and was fine the next day.  I forgot that pork ribs never liked me as much I liked them.
It happened again today.  After lunch, I was exhausted.  I even laid my head down and closed my eyes while a large document scanned through, and almost fell asleep.  I blearily dragged a packet of eggnogflavoredtea out of my purse and yawned my way to the kitchen to get some caffeine in my system.  It was there, staring at the hot water switch of the coffee machine, that i realized the obvious truth.  Like Katie’s husband before me, I had diabetes.  I mean, the evidence is all there!  I JUST ate and got super tired, so that has to be my blood sugar crashing when insulin gets over-produced, which is totally what happens because I swear I paid attention in pathologies class.
Then I remembered I had got to bed an hour and a half later than I usually do.
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